dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
