Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
