Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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