my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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