I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
