My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
