Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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