It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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