I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
