i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
