you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
