why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
