What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
