I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
