If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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