Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
