Soap is not a condiment
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
