I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize