Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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