Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
