If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and she was petting her beer can
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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