Princesses don't give blow jobs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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