You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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