he wants to bone in the snuggie
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
