eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
