sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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