how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize