Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
