Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize