Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
