if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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