Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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