i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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