Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
