playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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