; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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