Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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