so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
