T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize