I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
