That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
