I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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