Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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