WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
