We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
