Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
