dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
