your thong is hanging out like whoa
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
