he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Green mimosas i think yes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
