Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize