Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
