So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
