Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
