Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
