Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
...so i touched it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
