remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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