It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
