Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
