my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
