She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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