So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
