I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
