Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
