I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
