Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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