Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
