I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
