She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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