Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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