there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
