im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
