Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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