In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
