If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
