Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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