eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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