Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
