dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
