John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
